Morning, listening to Depeche Mode. "Never Let me down again" is playing.

The other night I had a weird dream. I dreamed that I was going into the Crazy Lady, where I used to work in Austin. I have this dream a lot, or at least I have over the past six months. I think it's partly because I had fun, and made a lot of friends there. I also went through a lot of changes there and learned some crucial life lessons. I also could go in there any time I felt like it and work. No schedule, I could not go in for three months and come back. It was cool.

This dream was a bit different though. I went into the Lady to work as I always do. In this dream, though, I'd forgotten my costumes. In fact, I had forgotten all my clothes and was wearing nothing but a slip and some flats. I was trying to find some shoes in the dressing room, something, anything to borrow for work. Well, I walked out of the dressing room to find something. As I walked into the next room, the manager found me. She told me I was not going to be dancing that day. I was needed for legal work. I asked her what I would be doing specifically but she wouldn't tell me. I explained all I had was my slip and that I would need to change. She told me to go home and come back and handle it first thing in the morning. I asked her what specifically I was going to be doing, yet again, but she still wouldn't tell me. I found this guy, who told me that there had been a real crisis. A local radio had announced the names of all their customers over the radio, so I was responsible for looking up all their phone numbers and calling them and explaining how we'd had nothing to do with it and offer our deepest apologies. I would then write a short trouble report on what had happened. I asked what my job title was and I was told it was "damage control". It felt grim, like a gray cloud hanging over my head. I really didn't want to do it. I then left, to go change. I contemplated never coming back and working at another club but I knew that I would be responsible and come back.

I have been tossing around my options ever since I learned that in all probability I would not be getting financial aid for school. I have contemplated getting a full time job and just go part time but that's such a cop out. This is my dream job and whether it works out or not, it's something I want badly to learn and really want to take a good shot at doing professionally.

I've also been trying to figure out what I want to do while I go to school. I've thought about working at some of the clubs there, but I just really don't know if I want to. I mean, aside from feeling like I've put on a bit of weight and need to get back in shape, it just feels weird to do this at my age. It's not that I look like I'm thirty, hell, I can easily pass for twenty four, but I know the truth. On the one hand the hours and the money would be good, and I do get nostalgic for those days, going out to coffee with co workers after the bar closes, playing music I like, all that jazz.

The other side of this, of course, is that I feel that even if I'm skilled in an area I don't particularly like, that I should be doing something equal to my skill set. Maybe it's part of getting older, maybe I just want more of a challenge, I don't know. But it does seem like a waste to have a lot of skills that I don't utilize.

If I'm completely honest, I know that I was pretty miserable everytime I did that sort of work. I suppose there are worse jobs out there. And it's not that it didn't have its good points, but between the frustration of rather tedious, unstimulating work and the pressure and cattiness from co-workers, any good aspects of it went pretty squarely out the window.

So who knows what I'll do. There's a good amount of part time work there. There *are* office jobs that I could do twenty hours a week which I suppose would be somewhat more tolerable. But I still really don't know if I want to do them.

If dancing is somehow symbolic of a time when I had more freedom and more fun, there's still lots of stuff I could do that falls within that. I have been considering hotel desk jobs. That could be really interesting and work well around my school schedule.

On a side note, I got offered a job at Starbucks. It was hysterical. I went to their job fair. There were a lot of career fast food types, hoping to move up in the world. I wound up spouting all sorts of bullshit about how much I just *love* Starbucks. Which is really funny, since I consider Starbucks evil incarnate. I mean, they've taken over every good coffeehouse and are the trademark of a good place becoming suburbanized. And while if you buy their coffee and make it at home it is actually pretty decent, the shit they make at their stores is the most god awful, watered down crap I've ever tasted in my life. I tend to be somewhat sensitive in the stomach so I prefer cappucinos or lattes. But at starbucks I lean toward the straight espresso so that I can actually taste the coffee in it.

So anyhow I gave the bullshit, so I could get a steady paycheck until I leave this god forsaken town. I did well, and got offered a job. They want me to work in the new store they're opening. But guess when I would start? April 26th. Yes, that's right, April 26th. About two weeks after I move to Kalamazoo. Who would have thought that a damned Starbucks would be hiring two months in advance?

I suppose it's just as well. Starbucks is kinda evil. I mean, did you know that they're opening a Starbucks in a *church*?