I want to go back to being twenty five.
I have realized that I could do this quite easily.
See, I look twenty five. I often pass for twenty five or younger. I could easily pretend to be twenty five and no one would be the wiser.
Well, aside from the multiple of people who have heard me tell them my real age.
But I have figured some things out.
One of them, most importantly, deals with my inability to hold down a job in the corporate world.
See, I have tended to quit jobs, usually after making some dumb mistake and panicking. I suspect my panic is due largely in part to my whole work history being a lie.
Well not all of it, the market research part is true but I fabricated jobs to conceal the dancing jobs and I have invented a whole job history of office work to get an administrative job. That's pretty significant, and of course I've fabricated my education to boot.
Some people are really good at lying and playing off, resting comfortably in the knowledge that their skill and ability will more than compensate for the lie.
I am not one of those people.
There are nuances that I miss, and even if they don't know that it's because I'm basically an imposter, I know the truth.
Furthermore, I live in fear of the knowledge that if they were to learn just how fabricated my resume was, that no matter how stupendous a job I did, I would get fired. I don't do so well under that sort of pressure.
So as admirable as being a bullshit artist may be, I don't think I could effectively pull it off.
That means the longer route. The college. The internship. Now, if I had done this five years ago, I would have been fine. By the time I got to the point of being frustrated with my station in life, I would be set. But alas, I was busy with that dirty business of life experience.
So I suppose its the frustrations of college for me, and hence the root of my indecision...I hate the idea of it but its an evil necessity...