I'm hung over.
I was drinking Kamikazes last night. Today, I'm very groggy after having had some profoundly weird dreams.
I've been painting a lot. I actually have completed two paintings in the past couple of days. I think I'm getting to the point where I want to look to show my work in galleries. That's going to be a priority when we get back to Chicago. I've seen a drastic improvement in my artwork over the past months, especially with my painting and drawing abilities.
Some days, painting seems to be all I want to do. Like yesterday, I just obsessed over the two pieces I was working on, until I got them perfect. I think I'm becoming one of those crazy shut ins that just do their art all day and are afraid to leave the house.
I think I just need to find a way to make this work to my advantage. You know, become one of those obsessive artists that actually get somewhere before they're dead.
I've been reading the letters of Vincent Van Gogh. It's pretty fascinating, actually, and very inspiring. I really am starting to believe that the biggest factor that seperates those that are brilliant in what they do and those that aren't is obsession. Obviously, you can't underestimate talent, but all the talent in the world won't mean much if you just let it stagnate. And everyone who has been really brilliant at what they've done have persisted at something, regardless of the obstacles.
My Dad and I recently talked about art and why our charming society seems to be filled with people with little appreciation for it. He had commented how culture seems to be considered snooty in our society and while there are diverse cultures in this country, we're horribly homogenous. I think it's because we're a very assimilation based society, and to an extent very segregated. We might tolerate other cultures but we sure as hell don't integrate them. We don't, say, look at that artistic and social contributions of folks from Cuba and mingle them with folks from Russia, in a way that's really mind expanding. Oh sure, we give lip service to it but what we really mean is we welcome them as long as they keep their culture amongst themselves and don't actually change the way things are in the school systems, or the religious rituals or the political climate. And of course since art is so carefully interwoven with culture and history, we keep that as homogenous and unthreatening as possible, too.
Why do you think it's been so long since there's been a really brilliant artist? Why does everything go in trends? How come no one outside the artworld knows who the fresh talent is? Why do most people recognize talent as long as it's from the nineteenth century, but consider art at best to be a frivolous hobby at worst to belong to "those weirdos in the city"?
I was flipping through a magazine that Valley sends out to everyone in Kalamazoo. It basically is a "get a real job, stop working in a supermarket. Look at everything we have to offer." type of magazine. I saw an ad for the tech programs at my school. It had a picture of a few small children, and read "do they know more about computers than you do?". It was an advertisement for the CIS program.
At that moment, all fear and depression and self doubt washed away. I no longer felt that I wasn't cut out for school. I no longer felt that I was unable to study art academically. I realized that my school really didn't have any artistic or intellectual angle whatsoever. Its sole purpose is to make you a career oriented person at all costs. Its sole purpose is to churn you out and make you marketable. It will resort to the most pedantic and punitive means to achieve that end. There's no room for creativity because the notion that you might be doing all of this for your own self enrichment or inspiration doesn't even enter into the equation. The school, despite all its pretense, is a glorified vo tech.
That said, I think I want to get into a more traditional program in studio art. My rationale is simple: I understand the concepts of web design and have the means to do it on my own. I understand the concepts of animation and have equiptment equal or better to what I'm likely to find at school. Where I lack, however, is in the traditional skills. My drawing training is virtually nil. Color theory? Never touched it. Photography? I sure would like someone to teach me. And painting? Well, since my love for painting is equal to my love of animation, getting a little nudge in this area could only be a good thing.
Since most students don't study studio art for the big bucks, I can hope that the teachers will allow at least a little bit for creative difference and encourage talent, not banality.
Also, anything I want to do will require strong art skills. Good drawing skills could only help me do my comic book or put out an animated television series. Sure, it's not some career track but who needs it? I'm a resourceful individual who's proven again and again that I can bullshit my way into pretty much any situation that I might desire. What I need now, is to immerse myself into the stuff that will give me a strong background to supplement my ego...