The job quest continues.
I've been trying to muster up the motivation to go to the job interviews I've been getting calls for.
I realized that a big part of my inability to get excited about these job interviews is how obscenely low paying the work is. Most of the secretarial work I've found pays nine dollars an hour. Nine dollars an hour! I could get that in Chicago for picking my own ass.
I hated that kind of work when I was getting paid fifteen dollars an hour for it. I'll be damned if I'm going to do it for nine. I mean, Kalamazoo is cheaper than Chicago, but not that much cheaper. Sure the rents are less, but not much else is. And the pay differential is just insulting.
I've been putting in applications at various hotels in the area. I also put in an application at Micheal's. It's kind of annoying with all the senior citizens, but then I'd get the art supply discount, which would be nice.
I've been doing work on Kalamazombies. I did the storyboards and I'm about ready to start on the keyframes.
I also found the other female voices for the sorority girls, so now I have all the parts cast. It's just a question of getting the drawings finished and getting everyone together for the taping.
Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision by dropping almost all of my classes.
I mean, I know that I was getting a really shitty education, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I'd bit the bullet and stuck it out. I also have seen a noticeable difference in the quality of my artwork after having taken classes. I'm thinking I should have sustained it.
I know that I was incredibly frustrated and stifled there. I also know that the condescension of most of my teachers, their controlling attitude toward my art, was absolutely infuriating.
I don't know what that means as far as where I go from here. I know I need to find a way to be more patient with situations, to not get so frustrated. I want to make my art as strong as it can be, and I want to keep working and developing.
I need to learn to put up with silly bullshit so I can do stuff that's not silly. And I'm working on that, I really am. At times I kick myself for decisions that may be irrational, but I'm avoiding that right now. I'm avoiding the kicking and turn it into introspection. I think I've kicked myself enough, it's self perpetuating. Self analysis at least gives the opportunity to amend mistakes in the future.
I don't want to know what the future holds. I just want to make clay robots and do wacky, weird paintings. Whatever road it takes to get there.
I've finished the first chapter of my book. I don't know how I feel about it. On the one hand, it's going well. On the other hand, it sure is an introspective rollercoaster to go through the intricacies of a time in my life that I've put far behind me. Some of the memories are things that I would prefer that I not recall, others are simply damned annoying to write about. But at the same time, it's interesting to go through all these memories, and explain them in a way that will be engrossing for others.
Something positive will come out of this rollercoaster of diary reading and memory writing. I'm not sure what. Maybe it will be a bestseller, or maybe it will simply create some fascinating epiphanies. So regardless, I'm going to keep plodding away...