What I said about dancing?
Um. Not until I lose at least ten pounds.
I saw myself on videotape, and I got absolutely horrified. I couldn't believe how much weight I'd gained. Rob didn't think it was all that bad so I made him put in the tape from Amish Combat, which was almost two years ago. The difference was really drastic. I was easily about twenty pounds less in that one.
I suppose it's good to know that all the self consciousness about my weight isn't all in my head, but I think I would rather be one of those people that was unnecessarily neurotic about their weight and still look good.
The scary thing is most of the weight I gained has been in this year alone. Sure, I might have gained another five pounds in the year following Amish Combat, but most of it has been since this time last November. It was around this time that the depression following Jennifer's death really kicked in and I started spending far too much time just sitting around, watching television, and basically exercising too little and eating too much.
Yuck.
The bright side of it all, I'm more motivated than ever to exercise. I'm going to start a strict regime this week. Seeing the "before" and "after" was all the motivation that I needed. Even if it's just an hour of exercise a day, it'll make an enormous difference.
Who knows. Maybe when I start exercising, I won't be so unmotivated anymore.
I still can't believe I let myself go so much over the past year. I'm kind of embarrassed to be seen now, especially with my new hair cut, which I really don't like. It's way too short and I don't think it's particularly flattering. Blah.
Ain't vanity a bitch?
In other news, I've decided that I will, in fact, go to school. Valley was very disheartening, but not every school is going to be like Valley. It really did have an absurdly vo tech approach to stuff. I'm not going to find that everywhere.
Also, I had a very positive, instinctual first impression. My first impression with Valley had been very negative, that it was oppressive and too remniscent of high school. ILIA, on the other hand, seemed like an environment where I could be very productive and creative, and they've been very helpful through the whole admissions process, so I doubt I would have the same experience as I did at Valley.
If I know nothing else, it's that my instincts are pretty on target about stuff. They've rarely let me down. And I think if I don't give it a shot, I'll always be asking myself "what if"?
So now all I have to do is get financial aid, but I think I'll be able to do that okay. God knows I'm broke enough.
So you know, it's been unusually warm out for November. It seemed so much colder this time last year...