I couldn't sleep today.
I woke up at eight, tossed and turned for the better part of an hour, finally gave up and got out of bed.
I've been in a lousy mood as of late. Just very anti social, and with way too much on my mind. That I had fucked up dreams two nights in a row (one was that Jennifer was still alive but would still die unless I got into this guy's apartment and attached this thing to his leg, which I couldn't do...how's that for a fun one...the other I was trapped on this island with these weird criminals and it was Christmas and Rob was in Detroit. I kept trying to call him to tell him I was being held prisoner but I couldn't get my cell phone to dial right...) which has no doubt been contributing to it. I can't remember last night's dream, but it had something to do with art and art shows, but I can't remember the finer details. Heh, if the prior two nights are any indication maybe that's a good thing.
So I get up and make myself some coffee. The cats want out on the balcony. I watch from the cafe table by the screen. It's a nice morning, kind of cool out actually, and alot of the ducks are out. Wednesday flips out when a bird keeps flying back and forth overhead. I think it's trying to taunt her. Heh.
So I think the best thing for me would be to just forget the whole Chicago experience. I mean it. Just toss it all out the window, put it all behind me, forget it ever happened. I haven't been feeling all that homesick, not really. Besides, as much as I have always liked the city in theory, I never really had all that good of experiences living there.
There's always the impetus to figure out what went wrong there, why everything was always so crazy, I mean most of the time it was this really random string of events that caused everything to be fucked up. But I don't even think I care anymore. I don't know why things worked themselves out the way they did, but all I know is that they did. For whatever reason, that town wasn't the place for me to be, and let's just leave it at that. I just feel better being gone.
That said, I don't even want to think about being anywhere else for a very long time. I love this apartment, and this town seems inocuous enough for the most part. So I guess I'll stick around for awhile.
I still want to open that business too, maybe I will open it here or maybe I'll run it out of my own home while doing other stuff, and the details specifically don't matter all that much.
When it takes off, maybe I will expand into a bar that supports the studio, and promotes its films, or maybe I'll just leave it as a studio. And I have a lot of ideas on what the best way to do this would be.
The important thing is that I be the dario argento of animation. That's all I ask. That's not so much is it?
Maybe it's the depression, but right now I could give a rat's ass about the condition of the animation industry or the people that inhabit it. It seems so inconsequential right now, because all I really want to do is shut out the world and do my artwork, and fuck everything else. Just completely absorb myself in my work, it's really all I want. Everything else seems like a distraction and puts me on edge.
Arrg.
Not that I plan on becoming the Kalamazoo Hermit (tm) and besides, I'm sure that position is already full and I would need to oust someone to take it, but really all the inconsequential shit is nipping at my brain and I want no part of it.
The apartment, although slowly getting together, kind of resembles something of a war zone which is a bit of a quandry. I did some charcoal drawings yesterday, but there's no room to paint.
Well.
Maybe I'll just make some clay creatures, or maybe I'll just plop my lightboard down in the middle of the floor and start drawing. Maybe I'll set up on the balcony and just start doing shit.
I was going to get my hair done today, but fuck it. I really don't feel like it.