It's mother's day. My mom is, right about now, getting off a plane to Chicago where she and my stepfather will be attending a convention. Then, Friday, Rob and I will take the Amtrak to Chicago where we will meet up with them, take them to lunch and the zoo, then back to our place in Kalamazoo. They will spend the night, then Saturday evening they will go back to Chicago to catch the return flight to Philadelphia. This will be the first time I have seen either of them since 1995.
It's a gorgeous day outside. I stepped out on the balcony with Wednesday for a bit. One of the ducks had little ducklings trailing behind it, and the fish were swimming around the pond. It was like living in a nature special. Well, I guess it beats watching cops raid crackhouses, doesn't it? Ahh, it will be a long time before I adjust to life here. I am not entirely sure that I even want to.
We went to Harvey's last night. While our friend, Jason Hyde, was at the noise fest in Chicago, we were attending polar bear fest in Kalamazoo. What is polar bear fest you may ask? A bunch of polar bears wandering around getting drunk? Don't I wish. No, it's some benefit thing. But Blue Dahlia was playing and they're decent enough and besides there was fuck all else to do, so we went.
Harvey's was innocuous enough for the most part. Rob started talking to some guy about midgets (believe it or not, the other guy started the conversation) and the bartender was making the drinks very strong, which was nice. It was a vodka night for me. The first band we caught (there were two before we got there) was decent enough, very much in that sort of poppy, 80s indy style. The only thing was, they were horribly shallow. They'd preface each song with "this is a song about winter" or "this is a song about sleep" or "this is a song about hackeysack". After awhile it got rather boring, a little bit of substance to accompany their decent sound would have been a nice touch. Oh well.
Blue Dahlia came on, which was cool. Somehow, the conversation drifted to some thoughts again about Jennifer's death, the situation surrounding it and the effect it had on me. I'm not sure how I got on this, I think I was starting to tell Rob something else and got lost on a tangent. But whatever the case, this got me feeling kind of depressed about the whole situation. Dammit. Whenever I start to feel that I'm coming to terms with the whole thing, it hits me over the head again. Maybe I am expecting too much too soon, it's been less than a year. There are still times I want to just call her up for a bit of sisterly advice, and there's still a ton of guilt, wondering if maybe I could have given more or better advice myself, or something. Bah. But I am at least logical enough to know that's bullshit. "Shoulda, coulda,woulda...fuck it." I guess it will always get me down somewhat. I wouldn't be human if it didn't.
But that also passed for the time being, and we enjoyed the show. The band that came on after Blue Dahlia was actually very good, but the crowd cleared out. Rob had to be up at 6 AM and so we had to leave to, and we both felt terribly guilty about this. I hate walking out on bands, especially when the crowd is already thinned. I hate doing it even more when the band is actually good.
So we headed home, passed out, and I have fought a hangover all day long.
Today, I've done pretty much nothing but watch tv and do flash stuff. I did one called demon dream. It's nothing fancy, and I have mixed feelings about how it turned out, but perhaps you will find it interesting. I did another one called autobiography that I like a little bit better.
Wednesday, Rob and I are going to Grand Rapids again. I'm going to get my hair done, and then we're going to eat at one of the many upscale restaurants we spotted near Kendall and then we're going to hit a bar. We think we may also meander over to this goth coffeehouse. It actually sounds like it might be pretty pretentious, but I don't care. Either it will be genuinely cool and a good time, or it will be silly and a source of amusement. Either way, we win.
I like those odds.