This particular rant will probably appeal more to my female readers than my males, but guys, go ahead and read this if you're curious.
Buying pregnancy tests are just a torturous experience in this town. No, really, it's just vile. I have bought my share of tests in my lifetime. I'm not on the monthly subscription plan, but there are times in long term monogamous relationship when one has indiscretions,and there are times when a paranoid girl will buy a test if her period is a day late.
Now, I haven't had the past couple periods. I took a test, and it was negative. I waited a couple weeks and took another one. negative. I got another one tonight, just to be safe. Nope. Now, it could easily be the stress of the upcoming move and all,or the new exercise regimes I've been starting, but I wanted to be sure, so I got the last one today. Well, I'm in the clear. If this happens again then I'll go to the doctor's just in case I have some weird chronic illness that manifests no other symptoms besides this one. But in the process of this, I have learned a lot about the art of buying these tests in Chicago.
Well in most cases, they are just sadistic.
There's a few places that have them in the usual pharmaceutical section. But most places have them locked in glass cabinets, and you have to get some seventeen year old kid to open it and bring it up to the register for you. Now that's embarrassing enough. You know you go and say "hey can I get this pregnancy test?" and it seems that it always takes forever in line, with some cashier who decides that's the perfect time to start a conversation. I think they're sadists that way. They see the fear and terror in your eyes and decide to make the process as slow and difficult as possible.
But the worst is the Walgreens near my apartment. Now that is just god awful. They dont even have a glass case. They have them hidden behind the pharmacy counter, and you can't even see what they have. You can either ask to see them all or you can just have them grab one and risk getting one of those god awful kits with a baby on the cover.
There is one good Walgreens. They actually have the kits on the check out counter which is great. You can pretend it's an impulse purchase, you know just to make the medicine cabinet complete. Oh yeah, I'll take that newspaper, the jumbo bag of Peanut Butter Cups, the crockpot, the sudafed, the gallon of Milk and what else am I forgetting? Oh yeah! That test. Whew, glad it was at the counter, I would have forgotten.
Oh well. As embarassing as buying those damned things are, it's probably more embarrassing to be an unmarried, part time employed, seven month pregnant art student...