I keep wavering between delighting in this whole small town experience and feeling like I'm a visitor from outer space.
It's a very sheltered existence, in this land of Kalamazoo, and to a large extent I don't think people realize how sheltered they are. They seem to not realize just how easy life is. When I explain things to them, when I make contrasts between Kalamazoo and other places, I seem to get these blank stares a good percentage of the time.
It seems to be mostly hippies and frat boys, from what I've observed. Neither is a group I feel I have a whole lot to discuss with. Or can relate to. I like my surly, misanthropic ways; my cynical outlook on life, my absolute lack of faith in humanity.
Ah well.
The up side of the whole thing is there are some genuinely nice people here, no one seems snobby at all (and in fact I find myself feeling like a snob by contrast.) and people seem pretty open. It's also really pretty, even though too many bugs seem to accompany the pretty trees. And our place is just gorgeous. It's our own little palace.
I guess if you stop and think about it, we had a shitty, creepy apartment in a questionable part of Chicago. We got so disenchanted we never left the house unless we had to. If worst comes to worst, we'd start to feel the same way in our luxury apartment.
Also, I'm going back to school. That's still part of the plan. I don't think I want to study animation.
In the past, my experience with other animators has not been pleasant. I found this when I worked on the MTV project that Bob ran, when I went to Columbia, and it has been confirmed by the recent industry lists I've been on.
I always figured that it was only the students who were tools, whoring themselves out for the slightest glimpse of a Disney exec, all too happy to produce shlock if they might become part of this grand scheme. They had no creativity, in fact they had to take classes in it, just to learn how to fake it. But I figured these were the ones who got weeded out in the industry.
Wrong. These are the ones that "make it".
It's not enough that these animators seem to be the biggest technophobes around. They bemoan the decline of the old school, disney style of doing stuff. They are mad that they have to even learn how to start up an imac, and read books like "AOL for Dummies". Now, I realize some people are like that. And I'm cool with that. If, that is, you're an art history professor or an anthropologist or a policeman. However, it offends my sensibilities as a creative person that anyone would have this much technology at their fingertips, that they could push the boundaries of animation so far, and so actively resent it.
Don't get me wrong. I have some projects where I use traditional animation. My claymation projects are a big example of that. I don't consider any art form to ever become obsolete. It has merit in and of itself. But few things piss me off worse than someone who has the ability to do wondrous things with their art yet can only bitch about the fact they have to {gasp} learn something.(1)
But it gets worse.
They make long posts name dropping, they sold whatever creative part of their soul existed a very long time ago, and not for very much money. They spout on and on about animation but rarely does a creative word pass from their list. If Hollywood asks them to bend over, they thank it for the privilige. Those folks who truly have a real idea in their head either seem to be extremely unhappy or drop out in disgust.
Well, I'm saving myself that long, painful step.
I am not one to give up on something I love because of loathing for the sycophants who buzz around it. God knows if that were true, I would have nothing left to do in my life. But, I am not about to put myself in the position to attempt to be creative around such people, either. There are other roads to doing fun, creative stuff.
I've given this a lot of thought. And I do mean a lot. I'm going into the web design program at Valley instead. I know quite a few designers and while there may be a few malcontents among them, you don't get quite the feeling that you're working for the devil(2) himself, and there seems to be a little more integrity among other people working in the field. Concurrently, I am taking some programming courses, as I believe the days of the designer without any programming know how are coming to a close. I feel very good about this. I have rattled my brain for months about how to be an animator without dealing with all the animation industry bullshit. I think I have the perfect solution: be a web designer and do my animation for fun when I get home from work.
So that's what's going on with me these days. The current job hunt is looking promising, I think I have something just around the corner, so that's good. And I'm fairly comfortable with my new resolve.
Now that I'm in Kalamazoo, I can say this is not the last move that I'm going to make. I was hoping it would be. Fuck I am sick of moving. But I think that, while charming and a good place to lay low for awhile (all those bodies in Lake Michigan ya know, it got kinda bad...) that once I have built up my skill base, so I can work a job that not only puts me in a higher salary bracket but actually gives me the chance to do something I might actually enjoy. (Or in the very least doesn't so closely resemble hell, to paraphrase American Beauty.) Eventually I would have to move, simply because the job market for what I want to do isn't so strong, what with this being a rural place and all.
Overall, though, I gotta say that life is good. I'm glad to be out of Chicago. Tomorrow, we're going to try and find a place where we can get our passports. I'm starting to get excited about this trip to Italy.
Rob and I were watching 200 Cigarettes on television today. We started discussing the notion of going to New York for New Years. My mom wants us to visit her new place in amish country (we would rent a car and drive there.) so we could take a day to do that if the weather wasn't too horrific and besides, there's been fuck all to do in Chicago for New Years in past years, there's never anything to do in Detroit, and staying in a college town for New Years, when everyone is away anyways, doesn't seem particularly exciting.
(1) If you try it and don't like it, that's a different story altogether. But many of these folks don't even try.
(2)I believe Disney to be the true satan. More on this another day.