When I was in Texas, I was on the phone to my late sister, Jennifer. She had been telling me how it was when she lived in Indiana. She had been saying how she felt it was just different culturally and that she simply had been raised a certain way, and was more comfortable with the culture of Western New York.
 I always admired Jennifer's ability for diplomatic honesty. She always had this knack for being truthful without assigning blame. She could paint a vivid picture and yet be completely tactful.
 In a way I understand the sentiment, too. I have seen various regional cultures and have come to different conclusions. Texas was very different for me and some ways in which it was different were intriguing, and some ways I develop a rapport with, but other ways were irreconcilable. Tucson was different in some ways but similar in others. The ways in which it was different were mostly harmonious. I met a lot of people I liked, a lot I respected and in general found it to be full of good folk. San Francisco was not bad, though I found Californians to be flakier than those of us from the Atlantic coast, but not bad. Or at least there was an equal distribution between the good and the bad.
 And here it is, time to leave Chicago.
 When we were in Kalamazoo, we went to this one watering hole. I was the only non-native Michiganite at the table. At one point, I asked them if they considered themselves to be midwesterners. The attitude was pretty unanimous. They geographically did but culturally they did not. They felt like they had more in common with the atlantic coastal region than they did the midwest. It was the industrial base that did this. It was the straight shooting, hard working, no bullshit shop rat culture. Perhaps that's why I like Michigan, having spent fourteen years outside of Pittsburgh, in the land of steel mills and coal mines past.  We were talking about how much different the farmland culture is, and all pretty much agreed we didn't care much for their way of life.
 Perhaps that's why I never much cared for Chicago. After all, leave the greater Chicago area and it's mostly farmland in all directions. Illinois is another corn and wheat state, just like all the states that border it.
 Perhaps it's the quiet, slow farm culture that makes the people the way they are. The narrowmindedness, the complete inability to deal with the slightest conflict, the slightest disagreement. How many times have I seen someone get bent out of shape over what is really rather trivial? Even people that claim to want to be controversial, want an honest exchange of opinions, will run and hide if anyone dare challenge what they have to say. They really equate being liked with being agreed with. As Rob says, "I have whole friendships based on argument." My friends always tell me what they think. My friend Nate recently wrote me a rather long critique of my comic. I don't think anyone in Chicago would dare say what he said. Not that it was harsh, but it certainly was honest and didn't kiss my ass. It was designed to help me and provide food for thought. Nate and I have a friendship based on honesty and respect. We understand that we are different people and won't always agree with eachother because we are there for eachother when it matters. We know the difference between a sycophant and a friend and realize to be a friend, sometimes you have to utter an unkind truth.
 I see the little things folks get bent out of shape about. I see how someone will excuse themselves from a room if you express an opinion they don't agree with. I see how people will resort to dramatics when it seems that you might not consider them above reproach. I have had "friends" storm out of the room or give the cold shoulder over what should be a a little spat that causes heated exchanges of words then is forgotten over a few drinks at the bar. Of course this is less common. Most of the time, they will just alter their view to seem in agreement with you, even if it contradicts something they said a mere thirty seconds ago. And if you call them on this, you'll simply get your ass kissed about how much they "admire" your opinion, all the while never daring to contradict it.
  Awhile back, Rob and I were at a bar called The Mutiny. This was before we got so fed up with the goth/industrial scene that we dropped out of it entirely. The dj was playing a bastardized version of a Pulp song, re-doing it to make it as "goth" as possible. Not only did the song not make sense, but it had a level of vain self promotion that would put Voltaire to shame. Rob of course gets angry whenever he hears the song, being the die hard Pulp fan that he is.
 "This song is a fucking abomination!" He said to the girl sitting next to it.
 "Oh yeah, it is," she said. "But it's kinda cool, too."
"No," He snapped. "It's not cool. It's a fucking abomination."
That exchange pretty much has summed up the mindset here. Agree at all costs, even if it means making a complete ass of yourself. Something can't be cool and be an abomination at the same time.
 People often ask us why we're leaving. Of course, most people in Chicago have no idea where Kalamazoo is or why we would go. And folks in Michigan see Chicago as being this fun city full of promise and things to do and never ending opportunity. This was actually discussed on a mailing list. Rob and I both answered the question of why, and I figured this was as good a reason as any to explain. I am excluding the original quotes of the post, since I don't want to violate the original poster's expectation of privacy...
This was what Rob said:

"Thing about Chicago, a thing that you come to realize after several years
of living here is that the city has no substance whatsoever, in that
respect Chicago is like New York lite, all those big city hassles but none
of that annoying depth or substance.

Everything here is hollow window dressing, it takes you a while to realize it.
I was enamored with the city at first, I mean, I went there from Detroit,
the land of depression, and yeah at first there was a lot of things to do,
a lot of people to meet, and well stuff.... which brings me to:....

It can be cool at times.... to visit.
I've spent the past 3 years watching nearly everything that I really like
about this town close down, to be replaced with condos and starbucks, you
can't go see a movie here, at all. Its too damn annoying and all you can
think about leaving is that "I spent 40 @&*^!%# bucks fot that!?!"

which leads me to my next point:...

What clubs?

You mean those places that the obnoxious yuppie types go to spawn? Or the
annoying wannabe pretty boy biker types go to fight? The clubs are
tolerable on say a Wednesday night, when you and a few other people are the
only ones there....

Shopping is good, I'll let amy handle the art school thing, because she
will have a LOT to say about that, but oh yeah, $13,000/year for an open
admissions school sounds like a deal to me.

Another great thing about Chicago, one of the primary reasons that I don't
want to be a resident here, opting to live a couple hours away and be a
VISITOR here again... every event here sucks. It might not seem so to those
out of the area, but, o.k. heres the deal imagine that each and every day
of your life you have to deal with all these hassles that make just leaving
your house a complete pain, just everything, from having to be back before
too late or else loose any hopes of parking (and yes public transit does
you precious little good when its winter and the train is a 15 minute walk
away, no cabs will come to your neighborhood and the bus stops running at
7:30) to not being able to sit in your favorite bar because there's a
yuppie pub crawl going on in that particular neighborhood, to the hollow
pseudo-intellectual Iowans-wanting-to-be-cosmopolitan that this town is
populated with... so you have all these hassles on a daily basis making
leaving your very apartment an exercise in will, and then you have some
event, something that sounds so unbelievably cool, something that promises
some glimmer of meaning to this whole damn depressing state of affairs, and
you go, and you have the same damn hassles there that you have to deal with
every single fucking day, and you decide to spend the next week at home
with a gallon of Dewars, and well - FUCK THAT! Also for the "privilege" of
enduring all of this, you get to pay 800-1000/month for a rundown 2 bedroom
in the bario... wonderful.

Thing is, I'm having trouble stomaching this plastic, dressed up midwestern
cow town.

I want real people around again.

I want to be able to go to a bar, and know that I can have a good time and
hang out with some good friends.

I want a change of scenery.

Amy and I have been going to k-zoo a lot lately, well a few times at least,
and it has a surprisingly large amount to offer, we can live in complete
luxury there for what we pay for crap here, we can hang out with good
friends there, we can well do whatever the hell we feel like doing with but
a tiny fraction of the hassle, k-zoo valley, for Amy has art, animation,
and design programs that are better overall than Columbia here, and she can
pay for a year there what she paid for a class at Columbia, I can convert a
room in the 1,125 sq ft apartment that we can get there into the Tiki
lounge that I've always wanted, and well, we won't always live there, its
just really good for now....."

And my response to the original post...

 "Actually, you're off on all of the above points. Before I do my pros/cons,
let me preface this by saying I've lived all over the place: Philly,
Pittsburgh, San Francisco, Tucson, Austin, etcetera...so I've both got a
good "sense" of places as well as a lot of room for comparison.
 I'll start off with the school factor. I'm going to be studying web design
at Valley. Valley may be a junior college, but it also is one of the most
"student friendly" academic institutions I've ever seen in my life. (My Dad
just retired from a career as a professor, so I know what to look for.)
Additionally, it has a very strong, up to date program in the graphic arts
as well as a very good animation emphasis. I've already be able to gather
from folks in Kalamazoo that apparently students come from all over the
world to go to Valley. (One woman was telling me about a friend of hers from
Denmark that goes there and is very impressed with it.) Additionally, I have
talked to numerous folks, some I met while visiting, others I talked to
online, and have never heard a bad word uttered about the school. That is a
very rare thing with academic institutions. As if that weren't enough, what
I paid for a single *class* at Columbia College pays for a whole year at
Valley.
 And then there's the coffeehouses. The first time I set foot in Kalamazoo,
I was shown a spot where I could see myself spending large amounts of time.
In the two years I've been in Chicago, I haven't found anything that good.
It took me a good year to find any coffeehouse worthy of mention, as they
all seem to be Starbucks or Starbucks rip offs. I've already found a bar
there that I can envision myself spending many nights in. In Chicago, I have
had a very hard time finding a comfortable watering hole, and when I finally
do, they tend to get shut down by the city, b/c of pressure from the
developers to get yuppie bars in.
 And Chicago public transportation? Hah! Talk about a lose/lose situation!
It is nowhere near the capabilities of other large, compact cities (like New
York or San Francisco) and in fact three of the five el lines run in the
same neighborhood. The el serves maybe 30% of the city and the busses are
pretty crappy. The nearest bus to my apartment stops running at 8 PM and
runs very infrequently at rush hour. Furthermore, due to rising costs in the
city, more and more businesses are moving to the northwest suburbs. That
means most of the good jobs are in the suburbs. However, at best you're
looking at a two hour commute if you're on transit and at worst you can't
get there at all. I've had to pass up some very promising job opportunities
because I don't have a car. And, even if I did, the traffic is a complete
nightmare and parking is even worse. It's next to impossible to find a place
to park and the city constantly is adding "temporary no parking" over night
so you have to check regularly lest you get a ticket. In the winter,
everyone "marks a spot" in the snow with boxes, lawn chairs, etcetera and if
you take their spot, you're likely to find your tires slashed or your
windshield smashed in.
 In Kalamazoo, you might need a car, but it rarely takes more than fifteen
minutes to drive anywhere. In Chicago, it can easily take that to drive a
mile.
 Then of course there's the rents. If you want to live anywhere decent,
expect to shell out atleast $1000-2000 a month. That's no amenities. No
dishwasher or disposal, no parking, nothing. If you're lucky it might be set
up for central air. Compare that to the decadence we're going to experience
in our new place, and there's no comparison.
 And that's not all. Everything you do is through the roof. Rob and I went
out to eat with the Kalamazoo Kids Wednesday night. Food and booze for all
six of us  cost about a hundred bucks. Rob and I spend that easily with just
the two of us going to a mid range restaurant in Chicago. We went to a blues
bar in our neighborhood, and rounds of drinks were ten bucks. We got the
exact same drinks in Kalamazoo for less than five bucks and I had more fun
at the bar in Kalamazoo.
 You mentioned art schools. Let's talk art schools. I dare you to find a
school in Chicago with a substantial art program that won't put you in debt
for the next forty years. Columbia was $13,000 a year and raises its tuition
every year. They have almost no grants or scholarships, just the standard
state and federal. Furthermore, the attitude of the teachers to the students
is lousy. My drawing teacher was constantly insulting the students in class,
most teachers had very little interest in the students or doing much but
going through the motions. The school is open admissions--you don't even
need a portfolio-- so every year more and more students enroll, but they
don't hire more teachers or even raise part time teachers to full time (even
though many would like to be, and are juggling classes at two or three
different universities just to get enough money to live off of) so you can't
get your required classes, therefore have to shell out more money...I knew a
guy who had been waiting three years to get into his senior seminar....The
school of the art institute is better, if you can afford the $20,000 a year
to go there.
 Basically, yeah Chicago is a bustling city and all, but as far as
opportunities and what it has to offer, it's seriously lacking. It lacks
when compared to other major cities (New York, San Francisco, Philly,
Seattle, etc.) and it lacks when compared to cool little college towns like
Kalamazoo. Additionally, I can't say I know anyone who really is happy here.
Most of the folks I know either are seriously thinking about moving, or are
dissatisfied but tolerate it because of ties here. Overall, its main purpose
is as a tourist and/or convention city. And, well, it's not like we can't
visit."

Any questions....?
 

 february              pontifications