So I was playing amateur psychologist tonight. See, there's a psychology website that lets you diagnose yourself and others, and gives you links to information about the disorder. Of course the questions are highly clinical and straight out of DSM 4 so it can be very misleading. It can be hard to translate into the designated terms if you aren't a professional. So I started following the informative links, to put it into layman's terms. I started looking at borderline personalities (I just finished Susanna Kaysen's book, "Girl Interrupted" and had looked up the disorder after having read the chapter on it.)I read one section "how to tell if you're dating a borderline." Now, my boyfriend is quite sane (despite any arguments he might make to the contrary, heh.) but I  was curious what it said, so I looked at it. I realized that one of my exes was textbook borderline. I mean it was creepy. Right down to the last detail.
So I started looking up some of the other criteria.
Heh I read avoidant personality disorder.
Now, see, this is intriguing and if I were any good at going to school and liked working with the public, I probably would seriously consider becoming a psych major as the shit really does fascinate me.
I've had a few friends who were avoidant personality disorders. Some of them are from some time ago, some of them are current friends. But the avoidant personality type, apparently, is so afraid of rejection that not only will they avoid social situations where they're likely to feel rejection, but they go so far in trying to please other people that they'll actually pretend to be something they're not so as not to garnish disapproval. They also tend to be very talkative folks, but only in the most impersonal ways.They tend to be extremely reserved about their emotions, very unwilling to open up to anyone, because they believe that people will use that against them and reject them. Little slights are apparently big deals and they can't stand any humiliation. They tend to be deathly afraid of more intimidating situations, like using a phone, and prefer email as much as possible (1) . The big thing seems to be that they aren't necessarily the sorts to avoid social situations but tend to only engage in social situations that they are pretty sure they can be accepted in, and avoid any expression of feeling that could cause to rejection. Often this is to the point where they push people away if they seem to get too close to them, before said people have the chance to reject them.
Okay...
Now is this just me or does this sound like every third person who hangs out on the net? Either the disorder is one of those bullshit things, designed to sell more meds (very likely) or it is a legitimate disorder but the net attracts a lot of folks like this, due to the whole "safetynet" of anonymity.(also likely)
 It could be a little of both. I'm not sure whether I think this is really a disorder or if this is good old fashioned insecurity. I mean, near as I can tell it's avoidance to avert anxiety over situations where one might feel rejection. This is, of course, a natural reaction that while it may indicate issues to be worked through is only problematic if taken too far.
I think part of my problem is with that tricky term, disorder.
If I say that I have anxiety disorder, it's suddenly a condition, most likely medical, and out of my control. It's a good way to get a prescription for valium, but it's also a nice way to justify just about anything and avert a lot of the sticky, uncomfortable processes of dealing with issues. However, if I say I'm somewhat anxiety prone, or am high stress, it becomes an attribute of my personality and therefore within my control. It is not, like diabetes, something that I need to have an ongoing medical treatment for. It's something that perhaps I could benefit by learning stress management techniques, but the responsibility of balancing it is mine.
It's the same basic thing about avoidance. Ya know a lot of folks may have it. Some may be more functional than others, and a very select few might actually need a low dosage of medication to even tackle the whole matter. But in most cases, it's going to simply be more of a personality quirk. They might have their share of hurtles, maybe a few more than most, but it generally translates into: an above average sensitivity and/or insecurity, but nothing time and effort can't work out.
 I would never tell any of these people that I thought theise quirks were a  disorder, if for no other reason than I don't want to be the one to sell them the crutch. I mean, look at Chad.

(1) These are layman versions I pieced together upon reading web site testimonials of people who were diagnosed with it. I don't claim to be an expert.

 january                 pontifications