Okay so Kalamazoo keeps sounding better and better. I took a look at Kalamazoo Valley Community College. As those who have been following my misadventures know, school has not been m y forte. I didn't want to pay thousands of dollars for a substandard education at Columbia, and while I liked Oakton, the course schedules and the location made it nearly impossible for me to juggle with a job, even a part time job. Well, check  this  out. Now, this is probably as close to what I want to do as anything I've found to date. And I've heard really great things about the school from people who are as cynical about college as I am.

That said, let's move into my road report for the trip to Kalamazoo.

Day one: Thursday, December 7th.

Our plan to get on the road by 3 pm gets delayed by Rob having a conference call from work. I nervously start watching it snow around four pm. It's almost 5:30 pm when we finally make it on the road. Usually, Kalamazoo is only a two hour drive. It took about that long to get out of Chicago.  We're inching along, in rush hour, through accumulating snow. We get to Michigan City around nine. We had originally been planning to see a blues band at a bar there, but that was seeming increasingly unlikely. Rob called the K-Zoo kids to explain the road conditions. We ate some mediocre food at Red Lobster, bought cigarettes (they're really cheap in Indiana) and went back on the road. Michigan was where the real nightmare began. The roads were winding and not well plowed. We inched along tediously, anxiously until we got into Kalamazoo sometime around midnight. (bearing in mind the time change--Michigan is on eastern time as opposed to Chicago's central.) We checked into the hotel. Pulling into the driveway, I was overwhelmed by fear. It had all the signs of a junkie whore hotel. We got our room. The tacky paintings bolted into the wall, the barely functioning heater, the rusty,gym room like stall shower in the bathroom....yup. Junkie whore motel. Rob called the kids and they came over. Everyone started marvelling at the condition of the place, saying how it was...as I suspected...a place for junkie whores and how they didnt think anyone actually stayed here, just used the room for an hour. The drinking ensued, until about 4 am when we kicked everyone out.

Day two: Friday, December 8th.

Fuck.
In came the call at something like 8 am, telling Rob that he would need to be in Columbus Ohio as of Sunday night. There was a really big job out there and the guy on it couldn't complete it. We were both mighty distressed about this. We had grandiose plans for the weekend but as we would need to be back in Chicago to pack and make arrangements, we would have to leave a day early. Neither one of us wanted to leave and making it worse was the fact that it was most hated Ohio. We got up, got dressed and packed and checked out, to meander toward the Radisson downtown.
We wandered over to the Radisson, neither one of us wanting to use the crusty shower. We checked in and were doubly in awe of its niceness after our prior experience. I darted into the shower to get the creepy residue of a bed oozing of its illicit activities, images of hourly encounters seeping into my skin and subconscious. Afterwards, we realized we were hungry and ordered room service. We were so hungry that even hotel food seemed mighty tasty.
After relaxing for awhile, we went to the post office. I was going to mail some packages but some batshit crazy old man started giving me a hard time, was extremely rude and was loudly proclaiming about how things were run in "his" post office. I told him to go blow himself, and we went to Kalamazoo Institute of Arts.
 KIA was okay, but I'm sort of picky about my art museums. There was too much Norman Rockwell (and Rockwell-esque stuff) for my tastes. (my personal favorite would have to be the Detroit museum) We went into the interactive area, which was kinda fun though kind of odd. There were all these exhibits you'd play with and the signs all congratulated you, declaring that you were an artist now. Uh huh. I see.
 We went to fourth coast for coffee, which is where we went last time, warmed up and bemoaned our plight. We then went over to some friends' house. The four of us went to dinner, but not before I was shown their newest colection: a fortune telling Eeyore. I knew this was a must have. Apparently they got it at Target's. We resolved to grab one before we left. (Chicago Target always resembles the site of a natural disaster.  With the holidays, it's probably worse.) We went to some bad Italian restaraunt which had the soupiest alfredo ever made. We figured out that they didnt use parmesan, the theory was that they used ricotta and that they used margarine instead of butter. Ick. We then went back to their place where we drank wine and unwound for a bit, then we excused ourselves and went back to the hotel.

Day 3: Saturday December 9th

The next morning, all four of us went to Colonial Kitchen. It was cramped but the food was good. I commented how Kalamazoo sucked yet was oddly compelling and it was pointed out that was very true and the longer you're there, the more it sucks you in. I looked out the window and contemplated this.  After we left, Rob and I said our goodbyes and went to Mailbox etcetera, where the employees were alot friendlier and had no apparent psychosis, so I mailed my packages.  Rob and I then decided to check out an apartment we had been reading about via the web . So we drove by it.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

This was the most gorgeous place I've ever seen. The buildings were gorgeous, the carports were lovely, and there was a duck pond. Wow. So we decided to go into the leasing office to get more information. This was what we found out about the place. For $800 a month we would get:
 

The list goes on...mind you that's what we pay to live in a piece of shit apartment that isnt even up to code in a not so great part of town. And everyone tells me that work is pretty easy to come by.

We were still in awe as we stopped at target where I got my own talking Eeyore, who has since become an integral part of the family.

So yes, the lure of Kalamazoo is strong...

After all, as you drive into town you see all these billboards that say "Kalamazoo: sounds like fun!"

 pontifications