So recently I joined a bunch of webrings.
See, I've been doing a lot of thinking on my writing and in particular my online diary. I've been analysing the best way for me to express myself and get past the creative slump I've been in.
I figured out the what's needed: anonymity.
See the thing is this. Most of the people who read my webpage know me in some capacity: friends, net acquaintances, family, etcetera. Now, as my page has moved away from the visual art and fiction and more into the diary aspect, I've found that to be a bit stifling. It's not that I don't want the people in my life to look at my page. No, I do. It makes me very happy to have people read my stuff and give critique. But along with that comes a hazard of the trade, the writer's curse if you will. Those who know you can't help but personalize meaning. Any thought provoking entry that can be traced back to something in your personal life generally will. Of course I don't need to tell you the problems inherent with this. The problem though is how do you get around it? If I'm going to censor myself than I may as well not even do this little project.
 So in an effort to not censor myself I'm going to try to publicize more. If more people look at this, I can argue that I not only write for my own self expression, I write so that other people who are going through the same thing can have something to relate to and people who aren't going through it might have another angle from which to think about.
 That said, I'm not going to dictate what I write. Maybe it's profound, maybe it's trite. Maybe it's personal to the point of being narcissistic, maybe it's some scathing, controversial rant. The most important thing is that it reflect what I most want to express.
 The unexpected benefit of looking for webrings is that I wind up looking at a lot of other folks sites. There are some good ones out there, and it's nice to see other people are as committed to non pretentious, honest self expression as I am.
 I've also learned that a lot of folks who enjoy publishing their thoughts spend much of their time contemplating a subject near and dear to my heart: friendships.
Now, I think it's good to contemplate this. Because if you ask yourself what makes someone a good friend, then you have to set up standards for yourself. And near as I can tell, that could only be a good thing. Not enough people have standards at all.
 I think a lot of people have casual attitudes toward friendships. There's many reasons why a person might come into a friendship...contacts, loneliness, egotism, boredom...and sometimes they are actually based on a genuine affection.
 I say that friendship should be based on nothing else but affection. Anything else is phony and superficial at best and harmful at worst. There is nothing worse than pretending to be a friend or pretending to have a greater rapport than you feel out of either fear or ambition.
 Sometimes there are communication problems. Sometimes there are conflicts. Generally there are three ways of dealing with this:  You can either avoid the person, confront the person or vent to another person. I have always been prone to confrontation. I can't say that I've done that in every situation. Nor do I expect everyone else to. But it's what we strive for that speaks the most about us. I can handle a harsh fight. I think a fight every now and again is healthy. It shows that friends are communicating and no hidden resentments can arise to the surface. It's the avoidance which is the lack of friendship. When those things linger and distance and abandon what is otherwise memorable experiences that you have to question the initial integrity of the friendship.
 Another bit of my criteria is reliability. Friends do things together.  Any relationship is based on trust. And if you can't trust someone they aren't more than mere associates. But if you can't trust the person on the little things (calling when they say they will, keeping appointments, following through with promised favors) how can you trust them when your back is against the wall?
 Depth is another important quality of friends. Anyone can talk about the weather. I can go to a coffeehouse or bar and shoot the breeze with any number of people. That doesn't mean I'll remember their name or face five years from now.
 Not keeping count is another one. It doesn't mean much if I always have my friends' back, if I make sure my friends feel indebted to me. It's better to be a flake than it is to be a debt collector.
 That said, appreciation is also a crucial factor. I might not have a tally sheet, but I don't want to be taken advantage of either. If you start assuming things that I'm going to provide, I'm going to be a tad suspicious.
 But above all else, is honesty.  I can't emphasize this enough. You can be the most incredible person in the world. You can be the ideal friend in every other way, but if you lie or deceive me in any way then I'll cut you out of my life forever. In general, I have a lot of trust in people. It's easier that way. I like to have faith in people. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see no reason not to unless they prove otherwise. But if they're dishonest once, they will be again.
 What it amounts to is life is too short. I don't have time to spend with bad or phony or aggravating influences. Nor do I want to be such an influence.  You have to draw a line somewhere.

 january essays 
 pontifications