I just saw name deleted. He wants to grab drinks sometime.

And it sort of fills me with jumbled emotions.

So my labmates are traumatizing me. I was <--> close to crying.

Just saw name deleted my philosophy professor. Former Philosophy professor.

Today went better in the lab.

I've felt oddly...numb...about the whole thing, almost...unphased.

I went looking at different webpages to see what lab the new therapist works in...

Some of the stuff kind of put me off and made me uncomfortable...

It's hard to put into words.

I can't explain. I wish I could.

I'm obviously in a bad mood.

I had a nightmare last night. This morning,actually. Around 9:30.

The fool was chaotic.

Why,how,did I get saddled with this project?!?

One of the dlar people let me in,which allowed me to walk up there and see that there was nobody around.

I no longer wish to do the damned thing, it's been nothing but a headache ever since it started, but I can't bow out gracefully...yet no one will meet with me, no one will give me keys, no one will even offer me the courtesy of telling me when I don't have to show up or when they're not going to show up.

Before my Kant class.

I did start the thesis.

Prof. name deleted is a trip. A trip and a half.

It's a non-stop day without even time to breathe...exhausted. wake up. Go to lab. Work on project.

Okay, I am paranoid.

And I wish my labmates would leave me the fuck alone and let me work. They keep pressuring me to do this quickly--push me out of the way, make me explain myself 10,000 times, in the three days it's been running, I've had three different bosses. I'm doing this huge thing and when dealing with basically anyone...it gets all confused.

I kind of want to cry. I'm just that tired.

Oh I am exhausted. I need a nap. Seriously.

I was in my labcoat, smoking a clove, when smug fratboy(tm) walked out and literally almost bumped into me.

I don't mean he badmouths me, but--

God, I'm tired. (of this.) It feels like an eternity since the week started.

I was having bad dreams about people from my past when the alarm went off.

Gotta get in the shower.

Smug fratboy(tm) is freaking my shit out.

Day 7 of the trial. I seriously need sleep. Or mini thins. Or something.

Once a month rule.

Saw smug fratboy(tm) who probably is unaware that he's either smug or a frat boy and almost literally bumped into him. (What's the deal with that anyways? The almost literally bumped into part,I mean.)

What day is it? What week? What was the funny thing I had been thinking? Hmm?

Doing data is just so boring.

I'm crying uncle with a lot of things.

I don't want to do this anymore. Psychology.

I'm happy as a clam. (don't say it...)I just had my epistemology class.

I'm open to the chaos of the universe.

Monkeys. I want to study monkeys. That's it. I want to do that.

How can I ethically go into a field where I've loathed being a client.

Okay, I should go get coffee and go to class.

I've felt weird since I returned from Brazil. Detatched. And it's not going away.

And I don't even want to be involved with Psychology anymore but I can't extricate myself. And I don't know, maybe it'll pass.

And I should go back there but I can't. I just can't.

I just can't relate in the same way anymore.

Fanciful daydreams or communication with the higher self? What's the difference?

How on earth could she confuse...

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...

Primate stuff interests me but those sorts of labs are frustrating.

The lab depressed me today.

The sun beats down on me ferociously. I'm in my super secret spot (tm) between the science building and the chemistry building. I'll enjoy it while I can.

There was some stuff at the lab which once would have pissed me off but really, it just mildly annoyed me. I booked out of there early.

He said he was 100% like Plato. How very fitting.

An hour of stats feels infinitely longer than two hours of Kant...

I have begun the process of extricating myself from the lab.

Okay, the meeting is on.

But I am firing her.

I got into an argument with stupid guy(tm) about cbt.

Warning:Contents may explode under pressure.

I have no future # 5,743,654.9210567

I've spent $200. in the past two days--

I can't not come off surly and put off.

I was in the lab. name deleted was driving me nuts today. I wish she weren't so...

I need to go home...

Also made me paranoid with one of her nonsensical comments.

I'm sick. Wooshy and nauseous. Also...a bit loopy.

I'm watching a special on the obscure primate, tarsiers. They only weigh 150g! That's only the size of adolescent rats!wow!
September 29,2004

So this morning Im headed to class. I'm in a bad mood (as usual) and I run into name deleted who is unbearably perky and happily talking about how much she loves layers and everything else.

So, I go to the lab. I'm hating it there and almost literally twitching with anxiety.

My resolve only lasts as long as my memory is suspended.

My Amazon order shipped yesterday.

I'm up well before I need to be, but I already slept ten hours last night.

I keep worrying the roof is going to cave in at the...lab.