I automatically feel several shades cooler when I wear my leather jacket.

Um,yeah,you can tell the difference because when it's flattering it's egotism (maybe) but when it's actually disconcerting, it's obvious.

rat and mouse training tomorrow.

rat training at ten. Woo hoo!

I had a million and one thoughts running through my head.

Diaries are dangerous things.

I woke up...okay

...but I can't expect for it to be a cakewalk the first time I see it.

--Sigh, I hope I can do stuff with the rats competently.

...not anything counter culture, but definitely more diverse, less homogenous and the animal behavior people are just freaks!

I just tasted something crunchy in this french toast. Weird.

Sometimes I think back to a year ago and feel sad. I mean I thought by now...there was just so much promise.

Jupiter in Pisces--graciousness,generosity.

Hmm, well definite convictions. Assertion. True will.

I've always been emotionally connected but mentally unstimulated or intellectually connected but emotionally misunderstood.

Maybe I'll ask my Philosophy teachers' opinions.

Dreaminess, illusion, deception, secrets emerging from the unconscious. Kant. That seems about right.

I have too many interests.

The monkey stuff is interesting...I don't know...

hmm. I'm thinking in circles though.

I just dig psychopathology...

I think most of what I say comes off as incoherent babble.

My brilliance gets lost amidst craziness and eccentricities.

Haven't you learned your lesson?!?

It's all falling out of me...finality. the past. muted and mutated.

I've said it all before.

I just don't want to be doing it anymore. I am so sick of all of it. Stress. Boredom. Petty frustrations.

and last night...

But all I knew at that moment was people just seem to suck the truth out of me...

We went out for thai food.

I need to get that sigil tattoo.

How can I be expected to choose?!?

To lose something you must know what it is.

My evil ex's birthday.

...and I made a joke but he looked all serious, as if he was gaining some sort of insight.

--I'm getting more and more sold on the idea of primate social cognition.

Stupid stalkers on the net.

...mixed emotions,pleasure,but rapidly fading, feelings still there but provoking anxiety.

um...the imaginative,dreamy person is YOU.
March 16,2004

It must be guilt.

Sometimes I think all this stuff is just stuff...

Why can't I get a clear enough assessment on my current experience in Philosophy to decide--?

Well, it was a good dream. What was bad was waking up and realizing it was just a dream.

"...I want all my garmonbozia"

God, my arms hurt.

Going to visit my dad today. Tonight.

I want to go to school in Hawaii, I think.

I wonder if name deleted would notice if I showed up drunk to his class?

Well, it's not like I called them pigfuckers.

name deleted was kind of freaking my shit out today.

Nowadays, a teacher has to be exceptional for me to sit in a lecture hall and just take notes without getting bored to tears...

I'm skipping ethics...

My best classes weren't my first decisions.

I hate being made to feel shameful because I like to experiment or value nonconformity.

I feel like there's a steel fist going through the lining of my stomach.

and I go through the motions...

Or maybe it just slipped out.

But that sentence sums it up.

People are freaking me out.

Ahh, the joys of nervous chatter.

What did I dream?

Then I think that I was lousy help...

and I sort of want to hide...

I had a weird dream about my Philosophical Systems class.

But the social butterflies seem so much more approachable...

I thought it sounded like me...

And then there was a similar instance with a second person but I can't remember who the second person was...

Bad,burnt coffee at Epicurus.

(Old Main...Afghan Whigs...Ephedrine. It's too damned crowded in here...)

Well, that was before the dreams.

The surly is probably why people aren't actually surprised by my age.

Does he think if he tells me I'm a certain way often enough that I'll become that?

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