I don't even have the words to describe how it feels...

As long as I'm in the same department, on the same campus, I'm screwed...

Just another fleeting acquaintance...

I had a million thoughts. But now...

One of the worst feelings in the world is when you hide the ugly parts then are driven to a despair too great to feign anything and realize the brutal truth...

I think I bombed my aesthetics exam. Fuck. Got an 'A' on the paper though.

The world is spinning and my memory is fragmenting.

I need a job that forces interaction, I think.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? How very disjointed of me.

Aesthetics class was very fun today.

Arrgh! Therapy is completely useless.

He did tell me I wasn't a true introvert...

I felt much better after a three hour nap.

I couldn't sleep this morning.

According to this, my gut is right.

I love social psychology. I really do.

So my therapist doesn't remember shit. I'll take notes.

Vinnie often wants attention during rituals. I don't fight it anymore.
July 12,2004

Should I feel guilty for waking up in a state of euphoria, a new world, a new life, like we all convince ourselves we like the cage we've tricked ourselves into entering but I odn't need to do it.

I drop Russian for Kant...

KantKantKantKantKant...woo hoo!

I need to accept this isn't some stumble block to hanging out with him. This is him.

I had a nightmare.

"Be Sweet" by Afghan Whigs plays in the background.

I'm quitting the internet.

I really hate coming here.

But what's the point...really? I mean will I really get a satisfactory explanation?

Or more simply:he operates on the chaos principle.

I slept for almost twelve hours last night, and I slept better than I have in a long time.

-->Mmm, that's some tasty garlic toast.

Anyhow. Shake off the stupidity.

Sneezy and stomachache-y.

My lab now is enough to worry about...

name deleted seems like he's trying to get me started on my thesis before the fall. I have finals and then the Brazil trip. I know at heart he's a nice guy but sometimes I just feel so bullied by him. He doesn't listen when I express not being able to do something and he just throws shit at me, never stopping to think if I might have any other obligations...

name deleted turned off the alarm and we both wound up oversleeping.

Well, I don't care I'm not going to let him fuck me up with my gpa over this.

This is going to kill me.

Woah. Well, the cards are right.

He's not kidding when he says he's crazy.

So I was right all along.

I'm done giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Yesterday sucked.

So...when were you going to tell me this?

Oh, go fuck yourself.

And screw my pessimistic therapist.

I was having this really weird dream.

We fought all day.

When I make some smart assed comment he assures me he's not "judging" me.

Deep sleep last night.

Oh God, class was just painful today.

So...what? Hope for mediocrity? Settle for settling? I think the only thing more depressing than unrealized expectations is weary resignation...

I was beginning to think I was in the wrong room or something because it was utterly deserted. But someone just walked in.

You know, there are few things more embarassing than seeing an authority figure you have no attraction to whatsoever after having a particularly vivid dream about them.

I find myself feeling more socially detatched as well where the lab is concerned.

It comes so out of the blue.

I think I annoy name deleted sometimes with my incessant challenges. I can't help it. I'm smart and your class is easy.

My mind plays tricks on me.

I need to take a foreign language but have no idea what to to take.

Maybe I'll just leave well enough alone.

I can never decide what to put for the question on the BDI about indecisiveness.

I did my ritual work.

Again meditating on the star.

And I was seeing truth,through both Psychology and Philosophy.

sign

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