Extremely disheartened, and wracked by guilt ('cause I always feel guilty when I fuck up and dont realize shit like this before hand.) I went to Katerina's for coffee. Which was okay but thats about it. Sigh, I wish there were decent coffeehouses in Chicago. Katerina's tries really hard to be a cool coffeehouse but that's the problem. The woman who runs it is very nice but that just seems more of striving to be the ambiance than anything. And though classy, it lacks the comfort level of most coffeehouses in other cities. It dawned on me that after two years in this damned city I still cant find my way around the fucking loop. Jeez, no wonder Im so unfocused and stressed out. I reflected on what the two years here have built up for me and, besides Rob, I couldnt think of much. I mean, I love the anonymity and I love all the old buildings and the train, but it really feels like a ghost town at times, and it all seems so transient. It feels like being on an airport 24-7. Single serving friends, single serving memories, the stewardess politely hurrying you through, "buh-bye now". I just dont know sometimes.
So I went shopping for Christmas gifts at Chicago Comics then headed home. Now Im preparing to go to Neo. I am half tempted to ditch the idea and go to Rosa's instead, but I really like it when Gill T djs.
I have discussed the idea of moving to Kalamazoo. I do have mixed feelings about this, but it's a pretty cool and relaxed town and I had a really good time but Im not sure yet...
See, a long time ago in a mountain town far, far away I lived in another hippie college town. This was Flagstaff. Of course, the hippie quotient got real overbearing. It was way too mellow for me and there just wasnt enough for me to do. I started going stir crazy, everyone knew everyone, and after five months I went to live in a hipper, more happening town: Tucson. I am a little worried about a repeat of that, but Rob and I are going to do an extended weekend (four days) in Kalamazoo to see how we feel. If we like it, we'll visit a couple more times in the upcoming months. If that goes well, we'll move in May. If we get bored though, we'll just make the best of Chicagoland.
"If
we get through this alive
I'll
see you next week, same place, same time."
-Pulp