I have a lot I want to say but I'm so tired that I don't even know where to begin.
We are going to Pittsburgh on the 18th. We really should, and as harsh as I may get I still want to be around my dad, and around my family, while I have the chance. Sometimes it just takes a lot of time and a lot of ranting to make sense of it all. These visits can be so bittersweet so much of the time.
I found that piece to the puzzle and it opened up a whole new puzzle. I have a lot more to say but I'm way too tired and way too distracted to get into it now.
There are all these epiphanies at once, which is reminding me to be careful what I wish for. I've suspected this for some time now, some of the things I've realized and wondered if the bad dreams and the muscle aches and the weird edginess were because of this. But I have found the solutions aren't so simple.
And yet they are. One of the scariest things in the world is to realize that your neuroses are actually quite normal and you just need to accept that and deal with it. I guess it's no shock that most people are fucked up. Look at what a big industry pharmaceuticals are. What would happen to the economy anyways if suddenly everyone became well adjusted?
I wanted to work on the novel tonight but I don't think it's going to happen. I am just so drained and exhausted.